Dear Mr. President,
I write to you today with a heavy heart. We are approaching my favorite holiday of the year, yet thoughts of family, friends, cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie are of little comfort this season in light of my inner turmoil.
Over the years, I have enjoyed watching the annual presidential pardon of a turkey at the White House. That changed for me a few years ago, however, when I came to an unsettling realization: the turkeys pardoned at the White house every year are all beautiful. And, well, I hesitate to mention this, Mr. President, because I don’t want to be accused of playing the race card here, but I also noticed that the U.S. government only pardons white turkeys. I am sure there is a logical explanation for that, but I am struggling to come up with one.
Now, the pardoning of beautiful, snow-white birds wouldn’t be a cause for concern were it an annual swan-pardoning ceremony, but turkeys, as a general rule, are more colorful. Not only that, but “pretty” isn’t a word that most would use to describe the average turkey. Let’s be honest; they’re some jacked-up-looking birds. The vast majority of them have been “hit with the ugly stick,” as my grandfather would say, and I imagine it takes a serious effort to locate one that looks like the ones that the White House manages to locate every November. I am simply concerned, Mr. President, about the kind of message are we sending the young foul of America when only the turkey equivalent of a super model is ever honored in Washington.
Just imagine little Tom Turkey, excitedly watching a youtube video of you pardoning one of his kind. He dreams the dream of one day visiting the White House, being pardoned by the president, and living out the remainder of his days in the lap of luxury at Disney World. Then imagine those same dreams being hopelessly dashed as Tom glances in the mirror at his disheveled feathers and spotted complexion, and comes to the realization that his only fate is an oven. (That is, unless he can afford snood-reduction surgery, wattle implants, a personal trainer and regular feather-bleaching treatments.) Is this the ideal that we want to Tom and other innocent gobblers like him living the remainder of their lives struggling to live up to–an unrealistic picture of perfection that only .001% of turkeys will ever attain?
I implore you, Mr. President, to take the real turkeys of the world into consideration. Ugly turkeys are worthy of a chance at happiness too! I hope you will find it in your heart to consider this matter, and this year pardon a true, homely representative of the Turkey community.
Respectfully yours,
Kelly Downing
November 22nd, 2010 at 9:52 am
Save ugly turkeys!